Separating from a partner is never easy. But when one person has been thinking about divorce for some time without any discussion, their spouse may not have realised there were any serious issues with the marriage. It can create a sense of divorce shock in either or both parties. And that can come with feelings of hopelessness and a lack of understanding of how the future will pan out.
Divorce Shock Creates Emotional Distress & Feelings of Betrayal
When one party is blindsided by the divorce, they may feel a deep sense of betrayal by their partner. It can have a significant psychological impact, potentially leading to depression, anxiety, and a sense of loss. It can lead to a range of intense emotions, including anger, sadness, confusion, fear, and nihilism. Similar to the stages a person goes through during the bereavement process, the loss of the relationship and the life they thought they knew can lead to grief.
On the other hand, divorce shock is not just reserved for the person who had no idea their marriage was in trouble. While the decision to divorce usually involves a lot of contemplation and thought, most people still may not be prepared for the challenges ahead. This is particularly true if they were under the impression that their spouse had been on the same page the whole time.
It can take some time for individuals to process these emotions and come to terms with the reality of the situation. And in the meantime, the shock of the impending divorce may have led to heated discussions where both parties said things that they didn’t really mean or regret sharing. Trust is often shattered during fierce disagreements, which can make it difficult to maintain an amicable relationship during and after the divorce process.
Bad Decisions Can Follow Divorce Shock
A person who has gone into divorce shock can find themselves agreeing to things that may complicate matters further down the line.
The Divorcer
For example, the person asking for a divorce may feel so guilty about how much they’ve hurt their spouse that they tell them they can have everything. Decisions such as asset division, who will stay in the family home and where the children will live should not be made in a split second.
It’s one thing to make a decision about what you want and how you would like things to go when you are planning on your own. It is different where there are two sets of potentially conflicting priorities and also if your spouse is severely upset, it can be hard to stick to that plan. After all, you may still care for them on a general, responsible level – it's more that you are no longer romantically invested in them and the relationship. Seeing a person upset by the actions you have taken can create feelings of shame or guilt. And the urge to give them what they want to make them feel better can be overwhelming. You may feel that you’ve made a mistake in walking away from everything once you’re apart from the emotional onslaught. This could lead to you deciding in a moment to slide right back into giving everything away once the pressure of dealing with your upset spouse starts back up.
Another thing to consider is whether you’re leaving your spouse because of emotional instability in the first place. If you are feeling threatened while delivering the bad news, you may be coerced into agreeing to things you wouldn’t have otherwise. If you are in an abusive situation, there are specialists who can give you advice on how to remove yourself from your relationship safely.
The Divorcee
In some cases, the hurt party may have stormed out of the family home, leaving all their belongings behind them. If there are children involved, this can be particularly distressing for the family and may harm future childcare agreements.
You may have found yourself suffering from divorce shock after finding out your spouse has been thinking of divorce for some time. Suddenly everything you thought you knew and everything you had planned has disintegrated in front of your eyes. It’s like taking the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and throwing them up into the air. You can’t predict how the pieces of your life will land or even if they’ll be salvageable after the impact. It’s a scary time. You are bound to be angry, and you may not be thinking clearly. It can lead you to walk away from everything in your life, feeling that nothing matters anymore.
However, once you have had chance to calm down and reflect, the decisions you made in those initial moments may be a far cry from what you want for yourself in the long term. It’s advisable to get yourself some counselling during this tough time, so that you can approach the situation with a clearer head.
Getting Professional Advice When You’re Suffering from Divorce Shock is Paramount
In cases where both parties are suffering from the divorce shock, the things said in anger early on are often cleared up once the dust settles. On the other hand, if one individual is suffering divorce shock and the other has a good handle on their emotions, words said in anger can be taken as fact. This can create tension further down the line.
Arguments during times of divorce are inevitable, even in the most amicable of splits. Tensions are running high, and both parties may challenge what the other is saying about what happened and what the final outcome should be. That is why our family law experts recommend seeking legal advice as early in the process as possible.
We understand that there can be several competing emotions at play during this time. Which is why many people find comfort in receiving support from an expert family law solicitor to alleviate some of the stress that comes with the breakdown of a marriage. They can provide you with a solid base from which to make decisions, especially on financial issues. They can provide you with reassurance as to your legal rights and responsibilities so you can reach fair and reasonable decisions.
We can help you to navigate the intricacies of a contentious divorce as cleanly as possible, ensuring that you get the outcome you deserve. Don’t wait until the discussions become heated – the earlier you get divorce advice, the smoother the process can be.
For advice and support, please contact your Family Law Team on 0113 320 500 or by email family@winstonsolicitors.co.uk.
