How Netflix’s Baby Reindeer Sheds Light on Stalking and Abuse

Netflix’s hit series, Baby Reindeer, seems to be on the tip of everyone’s tongue at the minute. Especially given the press coverage and backlash that it has sparked. Within a few days of its release, the streaming series had captured audiences' imaginations. People took to social media to discuss, debate and argue the key moments.

Dubbed by Netflix as “a captivating true story," Baby Reindeer is at times a dark and gritty portrayal of a man struggling to get to grips with a female stalker. But it is so much more than scandalous entertainment. Rather it sheds a light on the reality of stalking and the deep-rooted impact of sexual abuse.

Why Baby Reindeer is an Important Story

Richard Gadd wrote Baby Reindeer as a way to reconcile his own personal experiences of sexual assault with what happened to him years later when he encountered a female stalker. Interviewed by The Guardian newspaper, Gadd said: 

“It’s very emotionally true... I was severely stalked and severely abused.”

Gadd is now a professional actor, writer and comedian. But, according to the Netflix drama, back in 2015, he was working a day job in a pub as a way to support his creative endeavours. One fateful day, he spots a despondent-looking woman sitting at the bar and takes pity on her. Not seeing anything untoward, he gives her a free drink and strikes up a conversation. After this initial interaction, the woman, Martha, begins to show up more frequently, and Gadd begins to get a feeling that all is not as it seems. His worst fears are realised when his new acquaintance starts showing up at his gigs to heckle him. Realising it’s gone too far, he starts to pull away from the friendship. But it’s too late – Martha is already escalating her behaviour, and she knows where he lives.

As we learn more about Richard Gadd, we begin to understand why he’s dealing with the situation in the way that he does. Although the show focuses on Gadd’s experiences with one woman who begins to follow him to all his stand-up shows, it also delves into another, equally as sinister, instance of past grooming and subsequent abuse. The way Gadd experiences the situation with his stalker is dictated by this history of sexual abuse at the hands of someone in a position of power.

Baby Reindeer is a very human story of how past experiences can influence someone’s future relationships. It explores the terrifying concept that someone who claims to want the best for you is willing to sacrifice your peace for their own happiness at any cost.

Stalking and Sexual Abuse: Patterns of Behaviour

Stalking is defined as a pattern of unwanted but repeated attention directed at someone that causes them fear and distress, which can lead to long-term psychological issues. Sexual abuse is any sexual activity that takes place without consent.

Baby Reindeer’s fearless approach to both stalking and sexual abuse is helping to raise awareness of these issues in the mainstream media. It allows those who haven’t experienced either of these situations to see what can happen through the eyes of someone who has lived it. It also tells those who have been through similar things that they are not alone.

Stalking is more common in England and Wales than is publicly recognised. According to the Office for National Statistics (ONF), around 7 million people in the UK have been victims of stalking. However, certain criteria have to be met in order for the authorities to take action. It’s a well-established fact that stalking can be a precursor to violent crime. Nonetheless, that doesn’t mean the police can act in a pre-emptory manner.

Stalking Stats to Consider

Stalking can be mistaken for an overly zealous love interest that has got slightly out of hand. Or it can sometimes be downplayed because people are ashamed or feel they have brought it on themselves. This applies to both the authorities and the stalking victim. It's a compounding issue. Often, stalking has developed slowly over time, which means that it’s usually reached a fever pitch by the time the danger has been acknowledged. By the time it’s escalated to scary heights, there is no way to simply nip it in the bud.

If you believe that you have a stalker, you must tread carefully. Stalkers are usually suffering from serious mental health issues, and they can become dangerous if they are not dealt with delicately.

• 1 in 12 men and 1 in 5 women will have a stalker in their lifetime.
• When the perpetrator of stalking was a former intimate partner, 74% of victims reported domestic coercive control or violence during the relationship.
• 3 out of 4 victims were stalked by someone they know.
• Out of those stalked by an ex partner, 81% reported that the stalking became violent.
  Stalking by ex-partners lasts 2.2 years, on average.
• 46% of stalking victims were violently attacked by their stalkers.
• The majority of stalking victims are women with the men making up the bulk of stalkers.
• In a study conducted by Professor of Public Protection and Stalking Expert, Jane Monckton-Smith, 94% of stalking-related murders were the final act of a desperate stalker.

Classifications of Stalkers

Many stalking victims don’t realise that they are actively being stalked. This is because one type of stalker is portrayed in the media more frequently than others. This is the “predatory stalker” and is what most people consider to be the benchmark for stalking. Predatory stalkers take a quick and violent approach to their quarries. The slower kinds of stalkers may seem benign in comparison at first. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are less dangerous. It's a far more insidious way to be stalked and can drag on for much longer periods of time. 

While the stalker in Baby Reindeer is what is known as an “intimacy seeker,” she is still prone to violent outbursts as the stalking escalates. And that’s what makes the non-predatory stalkers scarier, in a way. Their behaviour won’t seem out of the ordinary until it’s too late, and by then they know everything about you.

Most stalking cases end in violence, rape or death – you only need to look at the stats to see that. Whatever the type of stalker, it is still important to take the situation seriously and take positive action to protect yourself.  
There are five main definitions of stalking:

1. Intimacy seeker

These stalkers are searching for emotional connection on a deeper level. While that may not seem out of the ordinary, intimacy seekers will latch onto you and become convinced that you reciprocate their feelings of infatuation. This kind of situation comes from a place of loneliness. Stalkers who follow this pattern are often shy or socially inept. They are likely to have never been in a real relationship and live by themselves.

2. Incompetent suitor

This type of stalker is similar to an intimacy seeker. An incompetent suitor is also seeking to make a connection. They will probably have similar traits of social awkwardness and will never have been in a healthy relationship. However, they are usually after intimate friendships or short sexual relationships, as opposed to a long-term love affair. Incompetent suitors are unlikely to accept or acknowledge rejection and continually pursue their intended target. They will often insert themselves into a person’s social life without invitation and have a history of stalking. The good news is that the timeline for this type of stalking is shorter than others. The stalker will become bored of the situation if they aren’t getting what they want and move on to another target.

3. Rejected stalker

A rejected stalker is out to regain control of a lost intimate relationship. Usually this will be with a former sexual partner, although they can also target others that have had close relationships with. Rejected stalkers often swing wildly between trying to find ways to reconcile and seeking revenge on their victim. Rejected stalkers are more likely to continue their campaign for long periods of time, often becoming violent. Your rejection of them will be seen as a personal affront and they are fuelled by their perceived humiliation.

4. Resentful stalker

Revenge is the focus of a resentful stalker. A resentful stalker will usually stalk acquaintances, strangers, businesses or services that the stalker feels has mistreated them. They’ll feel an injustice has been done to them, whether that’s receiving bad service, or losing a promotion to a colleague. Feeling that they need to get back at this person who has wronged them, a resentful stalker will damage property and try to scare their victim. This will make them feel that they are regaining control of the situation.

5. Predatory stalker

This is the type of stalker most often depicted in Hollywood films and TV series. The predatory stalker’s motivation is primarily related to deviant sexual interests and practices. A predatory stalker is less likely to come into face-to-face contact with their victims and will observe from a distance. This helps them to gain more information, in order to prepare for their inevitable attack. Victims are likely to have no idea that they are being stalked, or they may have a feeling that something’s wrong, but can’t put their finger on what it is. Predatory stalkers are usually male, and this type of stalking case is most likely to involve physical violence from the first instance of in-person contact.

If you are in a stalking situation, understanding what kind of stalker you have can give you the tools to protect yourself. While doing everything you can to protect yourself is imperative, you don’t have to go through this alone – the National Stalking Helpline can offer you valuable advice. 

What Can I Do If I Think I’m Being Stalked?

If you believe that you are being stalked, it’s important to ensure that you are taking precautions and record-keeping` in case things escalate.

1. Document everything. Keep a detailed record of every incident, including time, location, date, and description of your stalker's behaviour. Save all communications, gifts, or evidence relating to the stalking.
2. Trust your instincts. Trust your instincts, if you feel unsafe and take any threats seriously. Even if the threat seems minor or indirect. Never give out details or where you work or your address where possible. This includes alluding to landmarks near your house or place of work. Social media is not your friend here, so don’t put your location online and never add photos of where you are until long after you’ve left.
3. Notify authorities. Contact your local authorities as soon as you are able. Hand over copies of all the evidence you have gathered and explain your concerns. While they cannot take action until there is proof of imminent danger, they can support you with the situation and advise you on how to protect yourself.
4. Secure your environment. Enhance your own security. Install heftier locks and alarms. Add security cameras externally and, if you think someone may be accessing your property, put pet cameras around the house. While it can be hard to avoid sometimes, try to make sure you’re never alone in secluded areas.
5. Inform trusted individuals. Make sure your family, friends and trusted colleagues are aware. They can provide you with support and assistance, as well as understanding what to look out for. This will help with their own safety as well, as stalkers sometimes target loved ones or others who are close to you in order to get closer to you.
6. Consider legal options. You may need to pursue legal action, depending on the severity of the situation. This can involve obtaining a restraining order or protective order against the stalker. While that may not deter them, it is the first step in following legal procedure, which is another tick on your record.
7. Seek support. It’s emotionally exhausting to be stalked, because of the relentless nature of the obsession. Seek support from a counsellor, therapist, or support group, which can help you to cope with the inevitable anxiety and stress. Saying everything out loud to a third party is also another way of recording what’s happening to you.
8. Stay vigilant. Don’t become complacent because you’ve followed all the above steps. Stalking is a persistent endeavour and can continue even when you think it’s all finished and you’re safe. Continue to document any further incidents and report them to the authorities.

Take Care of Yourself. Taking the time for self-care is crucial during this challenging time. Make sure to prioritise both your mental and physical wellbeing by making sure you’re eating and resting properly. Engaging in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. Stalking takes over your whole life, so make sure you’re being kind to yourself. It can give you back some semblance of normality and control.

Stalking is Not Recognised as a Violent Crime by the CICA

Stalking is a crime and will be recorded if reported to the police. Unfortunately, under the terms of the Criminal Injuries Compensation Scheme, it’s not recognised as a crime of violence in itself. This means that victims of stalking are unable to make claims for compensation through the scheme. Over half of stalking cases end in violence, sexual assault or death. That’s why it’s imperative that you protect yourself and build a case, so that you’re fully prepared should things take a violent turn. 

Sexual abuse and sexual assault, however, are recognised as crimes of violence. As such, claims for compensation can be made through the Criminal Injuries Compensation Scheme. Whether it’s the end result of a stalking situation, or any other violent act, we can help support you through this difficult time.

Hopefully, one of the benefits of Baby Reindeer and its popularity will be to raise awareness of both stalking and sexual abuse.

Winston Solicitors have specialists who deal with Criminal Injuries Compensation Scheme claims. If you have been affected by these issues and would like to discuss making a claim, you can contact us on 0113 320 5000 or email @email